Solitary Confinement

Hello, everyone,
Have you ever tried NOT to look at Facebook all day? How about Twitter? Formspring? Dailybooth? Pandora? Youtube?? It's maddening! I feel like an addict in rehab (although I know it's not a fraction of the pain or frustration they feel) - the whole, "Hi, I'm Sophie, and I haven't been on Facebook for 12 hours." I never realized how much I use these websites until I decided to go without them for...dare I say it...a WEEK? It's going to be tough, and today is only the first day! I feel very isolated, not knowing what everyone's doing, feeling, saying, or even vlogging! I love me some British Youtubers, so how can I go on without making sure that Charlie McDonnell hasn't uploaded a new video about his life today? Boy, it's not easy.

And to make things worse, today the charging cable for my Asus netbook went kaput on me, so my handy-dandy, carry-wherever-you-go, connect-to-the-web-in-an-instant laptop is temporarily out of service. I feel like ripping my very straight hair out of my head! I'm really trying to stay sane, and not to complain. After all, I'm doing this because of holy week. It's sort of like a withdrawal to try to remember what's really important and what I really should be focusing on. The problem is, I spent most of the time today that I should have been contemplating the meaning of Easter worrying about what Charlie, Nerimon, Johnny (and maybe a couple of people I actually know) might be doing without me being in on it.

I know what you're thinking - 'Maybe you could simplify your life by not using sooo many social networking sites at once! And...let's go on record for this one -- you're right. I am an internet addict. I really feel like a whole part of me is missing. Like the whole world is going on while I'm standing stock still. What if I miss Evan Lysacek's latest tweet? What about Owl City? Taylor Swift? Justin Bieber? (Don't even start on that one.) I could just go on. I think this is unhealthy. No, I know it is. I mean, not using any internet except for school and email (and of course my trusty blog) shouldn't be that awful. But it is. I guess I'm going to have to use the old, rather lame, but very true phrase, "You never know what you've got until it's gone." How true this is!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for a person who (for the most part) has no friends, how lame is it to use this many sites for 'networking?' I mean, how 'Backwards' is it to spend that much of my real life on the internet following other people's seemingly extraordinary existences? Did God mean for us to live so wholly vicariously through others? I'm thinking not. I mean, I don't know about you other people, but do I really need to know all the plans people make without me? Does it enrich my life? Make me any happier? Maybe Facebook hurts more than helps as far as 'networking' me to others.

Anyway, it sure is something to think about...

Hope you're all having a great Holy Week, and enjoy that internet freedom!

- Líf mitt er aftur á bak!

P.S. When/if Charlie does post a video: you tell me, and I will be VERY put out. And don't you dare watch it before I do. You have been warned!

"I'm sorry!"

I must have said that about a million times each hour for the past few days. No, I didn't commit any heinous crimes, I just was sneezing, coughing, or generally just laying in bed feeling awful. Who did I apologize to for these awful sins? My loving mother. You see, for the first 24, 48, or even 72 hours of an illness, my compassionate Mama will extend the hand of mercy, doting on a sick child, taking them special things to eat, and even just rubbing them when they feel horrid. But...after those token 'sick days,' it's no Mrs. Nice Nurse! While she would never (well, not usually) openly be hostile to someone who is sick, her tolerance will definitely dim after she feels your immune system has had enough time to heal.

The way my mother was raised, you had an alloted amount of sick days a year: 1. If you exceeded that one day, her parents would extend no sympathy. So, she feels she is being very kind if she gives you 2 whole days together! That should definitely be enough. After that, you're on your own. However, with My Backwards Life, I get sick...allll the time. I'm not even joking. Whether it has something to do with a weak constitution, my extreme allergic reaction to anything remotely healthy or green, or maybe just natural selection, my body simply does not want to stay healthy. My tendency towards sickness might also have something to do with my spending a large amount of my time with drooly, spitty, sneezy, whiny children. Maybe just a little.

But, whatever the reason, my body will just decide to give me a cough, achy muscles, a terribly runny nose, or a million other things. Let me tell you, it is extremely annoying. I like feeling ok, I really do. So, dear reader, that is the (however lame or wimpy) reason I have for not updating my splendid blog for a whole 5 days. So, just like my wonderful mother, I will tell you, "I'm sorry!"

I really don't have much new on the Pete front to share, except for the fact that we are supposed to meet soon. His parents are working it out with mine, along with our awesome youth pastor. Ah well, the sooner the better. Then I will be free to start playing with some other poor unfortunate soul's emotions, and then 'dumping him like so much trash.' Hah! I can't tell you how funny that sounds to me. As if I would ever play with a guy for fun - I'm probably the last person you would call a 'player.'

Having a blog is fun because you can express yourself in more than 140 (or 180, as Facebook rules) characters. I find it difficult to sum up a whole day in a sentence. I don't know if it's just me, but I usually come up with several possible statuses each day. However, I sort of made it a rule only to update once a day. I don't want to become one of those people who spends their time living their life on Facebook instead of actually experiencing it for real. I do have the habit of rephrasing each interesting event that happens to me as a status. Then I'm in a quandary next time I sign in because I can't decide which one is the most riveting. For that reason, I often just put something boring or mainstream.

Is it just me? 'Cause I'm probably going to log on right after I post this and say, "Just posted a new blog post. Go read it, people! smiley face" or something along those lines. Then again, I wouldn't put "coughed about 100 times in the last 30 minutes. Sneezed alot. Blew my nose so much it's red." I mean, nothing shouts 'loser' more than a status that doesn't even get 'liked.'

I'm sorry. - Look! I said it again. This time I was apologizing for rambling. I'm probably wasting your time. Leave a comment with your thoughts about 'status living,' being sick all the time, or how uninteresting you thought this post was. Anything along those lines.

Thanks for experiencing my mundane existence with me, once again!

- Ma vie est à l'envers!

P.S. Are you an Even Lysacek fan? You know, that guy who won gold for America in the Men's Figure Skating in the Olympics? Well, if you are, he's going to be on Dancing With the Stars (I know, I know, I'm only going to watch because I like him!) Monday at 8 pm on ABC. Don't miss it! :)

You're back!

Hey you!
You came back. I'm surprised. I really am sorry about my last post, but we had to understand each other - you needed to know where I'm coming from. And the saga unfolds. Just today a new installment was born, hot off the...well...you know what I mean. My Life has become even more Backwards than it was before. At least I think so. You can be the judge. Oh, yes - my story: here we go.

So, we're back to Pete. Or he's back to us, I'm not sure which. Apparently, he has a girlfriend now. They go to high school together, he's taking her to prom, how sweet. I don't mind, the last thing I would be is jealous. But I did notice something 2 days ago: his Facebook status. Now, I'm not going to tell you his name just so you don't go and harass him for being such a jerk to a nice girl like me, but he does have Facebook. And he lives in the U.S. That should narrow it down a bit. His status happened to be the first verse of a song that he told me (back when we were friends) was 'our song.' He said it just absolutely fit everything about how he felt about me and the way we were together. Blah blah blah.
Anyway, that was his status, followed by alot of little hearts and some winky faces, obviously dedicated to his new flame. How nice (umm...not?). I just thought it rather ironic because here he has been calling me a player who gets her high from toying with guys and then throwing them away like garbage, and he's the one recycling old love songs? I felt bad for little Susie, the girl (names have been changed!). I know I wouldn't appreciate that.

And so, right at that moment, I wanted him to see the hypocrisy of his status, so I posted a biting little comment underneath, saying something like (I can't quote exactly because he unfriended me right after. It seems to be the mature thing to do these days when you don't want to deal with someone. Who knew?) "This seems oddly familiar...oh, right, wasn't it supposed to be our song? :) Maybe it's time to get some new material..and you call me the player?"

Sure, it wasn't nice. I never meant to be nice. It was supposed to jog his memory a bit about being so quick to point fingers. But, of course, since MLIB, it did just the opposite. Instead, he came after me and faulted me for 'not being over it' and tormenting him with his messed up past. Mmmhhm. That's right - I'm the one that hasn't made my peace. Because, apparently, he's forgiven me, even though he's still really angry. Don't ask me to explain the logic...he didn't use any.

So, since he has such profound such issues (still) with me and how things went, I decided we should meet together with our youth pastor to work things through. But noo...of course not. I was all ready to meet, but he didn't show. So now we have to postpone...until who knows when. I just was really disappointed because I was really ready to be done with this whole problem. Unlike most teens, I absolutely abhor drama and unnecessary conflict. I'd rather just skip around, enjoying the sunlight and humming a nice, upbeat Owl City song. But, of course, since MLIB, the one person who hates all the hype and drama gets more than enough for several people!

Argh. Yes, I suppose today's post was a lot like the last one. Why do you even care about the infinitesimal, gory details of teenage drama? Maybe you don't. I know I don't. But, I suppose I should thank you for the support, all the same. So thanks. Even if you are 50, 92, or 5, it means something to have a friend. Even if you are just on the internet.

Stay tuned for scenes from the next MLIB!

- Moj život je natrag!

Let's just get started, shall we?

Hello. My name is Sophie Conley, and I'm an extremely misunderstood teenage girl. There are just too many reasons and ways that I am misunderstood to list or put them in an orderly fashion. You'll just have to trust me on this. Really.

WARNING: EXTREME COMPLAINING AND SELF-PITYING BEYOND THIS POINT! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK OF BOREDOM/DISINTEREST!

There - don't say I didn't warn you. But it's not as if I don't deserve some pity. I have absolutely no friends in my circle of acquaintances. All the friends that I made were guys who ended up liking me, but since I made the decision not to date in High School, they - after vowing their undying friendship 'forever and always' - they abandon me and never speak to me anymore. Let me tell you, I am the victim here.
This one friend I had, we'll call him . . . "Pete." Well, 'Pete' and I were friends for about 2 years, starting with emails and then - eventually - he worked up the courage to talk to me in person. I really liked him. No, no, not like that. As a friend, nothing more. I wouldn't let myself - I had made my choice and I stuck to my guns. But he was such a nice guy - caring, protective, funny, innocent, doting, truthful, faithful (And no, he isn't a golden retriever). I really, really liked him.

Every once in a while he'd start getting way to 'I love you so much' for comfort, so I'd have to remind him that I just didn't think I was emotionally ready for a relationship and that he should keep his heart in check before he was all the way gone. Countless times I said this. (And I saved all the emails to prove it)
But then, one day, I realized that he wasn't for me. Long term. Not now, not ever. Maybe you think this is a big decision to make at such a young age, but I knew - I really knew. I promise, I'm not going to end up on that TV Land show about getting back together with your first love. No worries.

As soon as I said this, he completely turned on me - now he doesn't even speak to me when I say hello. Let me tell you, I never, ever wronged him. Never said anything misleading or flirty - not one word. But now I have to suffer by losing his friendship, just because he wants to play the victim.

It hurts. And 'Pete' is just one facet of my backwards life right now. You see, My Life Is Backwards because I seem to do, say, feel, and think all the right things...but then - I get suffering. I get pain. I get hardship. It doesn't make sense. Why all of this sadness and frustration if I'm doing everything right? I know you probably can't 'Dear Abby' me back, but it might be nice to have just a sympathetic ear...or, well, eye(s). Maybe I'm not alone in this?

So, here you go, cyberspace. Take my measly offering of temporary sorrow and deliver it to someone who will read with a kind heart. Or maybe I need to snap out of it and get a mean critic. But, fellow blogspot reader, I would surely prefer the former.

And so, I must bid you goodnight, wherever you are. May your life be more prosperous and happy than mine at this moment.

- Mein Leben ist rückwärts!